Among the things we hear from those who initially reach out to get help for problematic casino gaming and/or sports betting (et cetera) is “gambling ruined by marriage”. It’s what motivates many to enter into counseling, be it to potentially repair their marriage, or prevent further harm to loved ones and other aspects of their life. It’s also what has brought you, someone who recognizes that gambling may currently be ruining your relationship, here to us today.
A ruined marriage is a very real threat to those who struggle with the activity. Research confirms that 65% of marriages where one partner has a gambling problem end in divorce, and it’s not necessarily because spouses (of the gambler) refuse to tolerate the behavior. You see, gambling is frequently referred to as a “silent addiction” because its effects are not always outwardly visible, unlike substance abuse where noticeable signs such as physical deterioration may be present to alert one’s spouse that something is amiss. But even though the addiction itself may go unnoticed by your spouse, the symptoms are all there. These symptoms are not unique to problematic gambling behavior. They are linked to a variety of other mental, behavioral, and emotional issues, including those related to higher rates of separation and divorce. Therein lies an even more complicated concern, as while your spouse may not recognize that you have a problem with gambling, they may think you have a problem with them. Not realizing that you struggle with a gambling addiction they question your commitment to being an equal partner in sharing household responsibilities and doing the work required for a successful marriage.
Below is a summary of problem gambling signs and symptoms that relate specifically to how your spouse may perceive your commitment to them. In recognizing what they are witnessing and experiencing, you may be motivated to come forward to them about your struggle, and seek help.
5 Ways Problematic Gambling Harms Spouses and Ruins Marriages (and what you can do about it)
Harm to Household Finances
Financial harms and debt are the most common consequences reported by those with mild, moderate, and severe forms of problem gambling. Over time, it’s a near inevitability for casino gamers and sports bettors alike, as per the Gambler’s Ruin formula. Financial problems are a significant factor contributing to ruined marriages. Studies indicate that poor financial management from one partner (a problem gambler, in this case) is among the leading causes of marital discord, with estimates ranging from 22% to nearly 37% of divorces. Whether or not your spouse knows about your gambling problem, they have likely felt the impact on your household finances and hold you accountable.
Lack of Attentiveness
Another symptom of mild, moderate, and severe problem gambling among married persons is a loss of interest in other (beyond gambling) activities that were once shared with their spouse and a general lack of attentiveness towards their spouse. While you may be as in love with your partner as you were when you initially pledged your lifelong commitment to them, they aren’t feeling it. Your attention has instead been diverted towards casino gaming, sports betting, DFS, or whatever your gambling vice/s may be.
Loss of Libido and Intimacy
Problematic gambling behavior is also linked to a loss of libido and subsequently a loss of intimacy with one’s spouse. It’s not just about a general lack of interest, as problem gambling is associated with adrenaline and cortisol imbalances that are requisite to sexual arousal and performance. Problem gambling is also linked to sleep deprivation which can lead to reduced sexual desire and arousal. Furthermore, problem gambling often cooccurs with other psychological factors that disrupt sexual performance. For more information, please read the following articles on gambling and sex drive problems (click here) and how it is connected to erectile dysfunction (click here).
Infidelity
While a problem gambler may lose interest in physical intimacy with their spouse (as per above) they may seek it outside of the marriage. Both problematic gambling and infidelity can stem from impulsivity and a tendency toward risk-taking behavior. Further, the other issues addressed above and below result in strained marriages, which can contribute to infidelity.
Mood Swings and Outbursts of Anger / Aggression
Another symptom and cooccurring condition related to problem gambling that has a direct impact on one’s spouse and can lead to a ruined marriage, are mood swings that can result in outbursts of anger and aggression. As a problem gambler, mood swings can happen at any time when engaging with your spouse, although downward spirals most often occur when you are not able to gamble. Outbursts of anger and aggression may also follow spousal engagement on any sensitive topic (i.e. finances, etc.) but are commonly reported when questioned about gambling behavior. In either case, your spouse will feel as if they are being attacked for making a seemingly inconsequential observation or comment, and this takes an emotional toll on them. Click here for a deeper dive on the relationship between gambling anger, irritability, and mood swings.
What You Can Do
Kindbridge Behavioral Health offers more accessible and effective treatment for problematic gambling behavior. Whether married, separated, or divorced, it is important to work through your personal relationship with gambling through one-on-one therapy or test with waters with an online support group for gambling addiction.
What about those who are in a situation where they are ready to talk to their spouse about their gambling problem, and want to explore options to work through it together? Nearly every mental health provider platform offers marriage counseling. However, Kindbridge offers a more customized solution, as our couples counseling services are specific to problem gambling and cooccurring issues. This is a far better alternative to what general clinicians can offer. We get to the root of the problem/s and speak in a “language” that spouses who have experienced gambling harms directly relate to. Most important, is that our process works, as evidenced by our treatment outcomes reports. Call, email, or use the booking feature linked below to get started with a FREE assessment.
Another Article You Should Read:
Individual and Couples Counseling for Problem Gambling
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