With some exceptions, most understand the challenges that arise when relating to a parent as we get older. In fact, recent surveys suggest that 94% of American adults reported experiencing some type of tension or conflict in their relationship with their parents. Despite being adults ourselves, it can feel as if we’ve reverted back to teenage adolescence when our mothers or fathers make certain comments, give a look, or adjust their body language in response to an interaction that we have with them. It can be quite grating. What makes it all the more troubling, is that we don’t like who we become when engaged in these interactions, especially those that may be seen as innocuous to an onlooker.
Why does such a large proportion of the nation’s adult population find their parents so difficult? Excluding instances of emotional or physical abuse, severe neglect, or other notable forms of past trauma (which is an entirely different discussion) reasons often include the following:
- Perspective and Comparison: Life generally finds some balance as you enter your 30s and 40s. You may even have become a parent. This gives you an opportunity to compare how you are today to how your parents were with you when you were young. You are able to look back on your childhood through the lens of an adult. This can be enlightening and may provide a internal critique of how they raised you, which may create mild, moderate, or stronger animosity or other negative feelings and emotions.
- Different Generational Values: Each generation adopts different values from its predecessor, albeit to varying degrees Those reading this today may have parents who are from or directly adjacent to the Baby Boomer generation (born between 1946 and 1964). The gap in values and beliefs may be wider between your generation and theirs when compared against others. Interactions with your parent/s may lead you to firmly believe that they carry prejudices and are stuck in their ways. And they may very well be. As a result, you may feel that you cannot relate to them and you may develop negative feelings whenever you interact on certain topics. These feelings can be anticipatory in nature and manifest before you even open the front door to their home.
- They May Not be as Mindful and Self-Aware: Carrying over from above, stigma surrounding mental health is much weaker, and awareness is much greater, for your generation than that of your parent/s. Unless their parent/s (your grandparent/s) had an advanced way of thinking, your parent/s may not have had the opportunity to be as mindful and self-aware about their own feelings and emotions and how they communicate with others. This spills into their interactions with the adult version of you.
You probably understand much of this thus far, but it hasn’t made dealing with them much easier. The real kicker, however, is that you love them and understand that the years you have left with them are winding down as they age. This reality check is what has brought you here today. Whether you see them daily/weekly or are preparing for a visit during the upcoming Holiday season or other family gathering, you are desperately seeking help for how to deal with difficult parents as an adult. You’ve found this article just in time. As a leading virtual therapy platform we can tell you firsthand that counseling will help improve your interactions with your parent/s, and may lead to a healthier and happier relationship with them.
How Virtual Counseling Can Optimize Your Response to Challenging Interactions with a Parent and Improve Your Relationship
I. Assess Your Own Mental Health
To begin with, virtual counseling presents you with an immediate opportunity to assess your own mental health. It may identify whether you may have anxiety, chronic stress, depression, and/or some other condition that may be partly responsible for why you find your parent/s difficult to deal with. This does not necessarily exclude them from bearing responsibility for the strain in your relationship, but it may help you realize that some of your responses to them may be exaggerated or irrational. From here, healing can begin. Tap the link below to receive a FREE assessment.
II. Identify Triggers of Negative Emotions
Regardless of what the above assessment does or does not unveil, a counselor will work with you to identify the things that occur between you and your parent/s that trigger negative feelings and emotions. As mentioned in the introduction, some of these triggers may occur before you even talk to or see them. Identifying your triggers is valuable for self-awareness, emotional control, and personal growth. By understanding what can cause intense reactions, you can learn to manage them proactively rather than simply reacting. This process is crucial for managing mental health, fostering resilience, and improving your relationship with your parent/s.
III. Adopt Healthy Responses to Triggers
Once triggers have been identified, a counselor will guide you towards methods that are effective in responses to them. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has proven to be of great value, and includes grounding exercises. Grounding exercises are activities that leverage your senses to reconnect your mind and body to the present moment. They can help you calm distress from the overwhelming thoughts and emotions brought out by interacting with a parent. There are many examples of grounding exercises, but some of the more common ones include taking a time-out for deep breathing exercises and mindful meditation. Ultimately, when experiencing a negative (perceived or otherwise) interaction with a parent, you can use CBT methods to manage your thoughts and emotions, improve communication, and focus on collaborative problem-solving. This can de-escalate tension and move the discussion toward a more productive outcome.
IV. Opportunity to Improve Relationship Together
The steps above will optimize your thoughts and emotions, communication, and promote collaborative problem-solving, which will help improve interactions with what may be a difficult parent. However, we encourage you to invite your parent/s into counseling with you. They may be more likely to opt-in after having witnessed a maturing of your forward-facing emotions and communications with them. You can wait to invite them into online family therapy until after you’ve started your journey in counseling, or get the ball rolling together if you feel it’s the more productive course of action. In either case, we’re here for you.
Improve Your Relationship with a Parent Today
CALL +1 (877) 426-4258
OR
Email help@kindbridge.com
